Dawn of June 2018, I had one of the weirdest dreams, funnily I woke up relaxed and unbothered, unbeknownst it happening the next day.

 I lost the love of my life. Yes I said it love of my life, I knew I was in love but with the wrong man which I chose to be heedless about it and the next day came he said ''I can't do this again'', my face fell short of smiles, I lost myself, I lost my sanity, I became a shadow of myself.

''Baby girl you got this'' I told myself, a big lie as I didn't, cause every night I had a soaked pillow and prayed not to die eventually while he is living his best life. My accountability partners stayed by me even though I smiled and laughed in their presence and everyone hailed ''yo bitch you're strong''.

I was dying, I knew only me could help myself and I held to heart every advice. I had panic attacks, I was scared that I was too vulnerable, I saw the blue or white coat and I kept telling myself Why God? I knew it wasn't right but why now, why not earlier? it felt comfortable trying to throw blames, I knew I was the one who delayed it, I just wasn't prepared for it, he was the most caring man I have come across but I lived in a negation of who he was a venal and a malingerer. I was flawed too

December came, a friend lost his engagement, he reached out to me, I questioned myself after we spoke, then I knew that was my healing right there, I became his therapist and as the day went by, I found a genuine smile and I was in a better place. I still believe in meliorism and love.

                                           I SMILED AGAIN, I FOUND HAPPINESS, I FOUND ME- SHE SAID.

                                                                                                               XOXO